The past few weeks have been a bit of a struggle for me. Everything is going well as planned, but I always seem to find myself in this state of “what am I to do next”.
I have come to the conclusion that exercising is my link to sanity. I fracture my foot here about 4 months ago and didn’t realize it or get it tended to until the end of March. I tried my best to stay off it, but the more I stayed off it the more irritable I became, and I began to make poor decisions. I suppose in a way I was simply making decisions that came as natural or my first reaction. Recently I made the choice to exercise anyway and screw the broken foot, although I could suffer years down the road but I am still taking care of it, just playing through the pain. Maybe not the smartest thing, I can see that, but at the moment it may just be worth my sanity. That is my ripple.
Friendships and relationships seem to hold a different position of importance here in Korea than at home in Canada. This rant of thoughts may offend some people, but it has to be said from my point of view, who knows, let me know.
I have been close with most people that I work with, but as time changes so do the relationships. We all try and do certain things but in the end we try and do things that will work for us and make us, or at least for the time being, happy. I have been brought up to be kind and polite to people, the problem here is that everybody has not been brought up to be that way. Some have been brought up to look out for themselves. Being selfish is an unfortunate offspring of taking care of number one. That may seem redundant, but it is possible to take care of you and be polite at the same time, it just takes a lot more work. Either people are lazy or they are being trained to take the shortest route to success. I believe it is the latter. In friendships and relationships there are always decisions made that can be a ripple in one mind and a tidal wave in the other. Some how it can never be reversed, why is that? If I say the wrong thing, I have decimated a friendship, but I said a thousand things to build it up before. It is amazing. A tiny stone destroys a beautiful sculpture. Now why is that? We take the negative too personally and the positive as a fabrication. It is unfortunate that being honest is usually seen as an ulterior motive or just a flat out lie. Anyway I have made the decision to just keep on moving, being myself and not worry about what is happening in the minds of others, but then that is seen as selfish, just trying to be a regular person being happy. Just another ripple in the pond.
Well as for decisions I have made in the past short while, it’s hard to tell how they will affect the rest of my time. There always seems to be 3 or 4 ways to handle a situation properly. It always seems difficult to use the most effective one. The decision that will keep everyone happy and accomplish what I need to get done. But in the end there is always a way to solve the problem, fix the solution, make it worse or just hope it goes away. Either way nothing is ever the same, I suppose that’s what happens with change.
I am going to learn to surf.
